maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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