I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
