So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
