There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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