I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
