I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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