so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
