I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
