Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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