My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
