My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
