epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
