did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
