It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
