ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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