I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
