I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm getting married
To pizza
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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