I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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