He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
