My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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