yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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