What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
