my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
