Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my shit smells like andre
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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