he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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