I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
