But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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