I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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