I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
