I accidentally had phone sex last night
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
