I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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