The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize
