For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
