somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
