Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
