I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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