I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
