There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
