U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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