I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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