If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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