Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
