Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
