I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
