he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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