mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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