Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
