just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
