this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
ttyl tear gas
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
