WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
