"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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