Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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