she woke up with a sticky ear
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
