are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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